missfujoshi2 (missfujoshi2) wrote,


Title : Identity
Pairing : Jaemin ; slight Homin, slight Yoomin
Genre : Angst.
Summary : Jaejoong is in love with Changmin, but his mind can’t admit it and it drives him crazy. Literally.
Warning : Character’s death, rape, violence.
A/N : Hi everybody. I think there are not enough jaemin angst fictions lately, so I wrote one. It’s inspired by the movie “Identity” with John Cusack. I hope you like it.

-Jaejoong ? Jaejoong ? Please continue. I need the whole story, the man said.
-Huh ? Jaejoong answered, before sinking back into his thoughts.

-Hi, I’m Shim Changmin. Please take care of me.
-Hi maknae, welcome to DBSK, Yunho said.
-We are going to be a good band, Junsu said, cheerfully.

-Changmin smiled and nodded, and I think that’s when it all started, Jaejoong said.
-Good, go on, the man said.

-It has been three years, Jaejoong-ah, can’t you leave him alone ? Yunho stated. He has grown up, you can’t go on like this, always hitting him.
-You are always defending him. Why can’t you be on my side ?
-You said you needed popularity, but if you keep being violent, you will end up being rejected even more… I am your friend, Jaejoong-ah, you know that.
-But you’re… I know all about you. I know…

-Yunho was in love with him. And it made me angry. It made me awfully angry.
-And why is that ? the man asked.
-He can’t. He can’t… He’s not allowed to. He can’t…

-No, Jaejoong-ah! You’re not allowed to. You need to be serious. I didn’t say anything when your leg was hurt, but now that you’re healed, you need to practice, Yunho said.
-I can’t. I just can’t.
-Jaejoong hyung ? Changmin said. What about a drink tonight, after the practice ?
-A drink ?
-Yes, a drink. We could go out and have a drink together. After the practice.
-Yeah ! It’s been a while since Changmin last went out with us, Yoochun said.
-O… Okay, Jaejoong murmured.
-Yeah ? Changmin asked.
-Yes, I said.
-Can we go back to practice now ? Yunho asked, irritated.
After an hour.
-Okay, that’s all for today, Yunho said. Let’s go back home and have a good dinner. Changmin-ah ? Can you stay with me for a second ? I need to talk to you.
-Go, Jaejoong-ah, it will only take a second. We are coming. Okay. Changmin-ah, I wanted to thank you. It was a smart idea to talk about something Jaejoong likes. I think you have matured a lot. But, just so you know, you don’t have to go out if you don’t want to. I mean…
-It’s okay, Yunho. I said that because I wanted to. It was not a lie. Though I must admit I added hyung to convince him.
-Haha, I know, but if you feel uneasy with that, just feel free to call me, I will-
-It’s okay, hyung. I am 22. I can bear it.
-Okay. Anyway, thank you.


-So ? Changmin-ah…
-Yes, Jaejoong-ah ?
-Why is it that in front of Yunho you call me hyung, but when we’re just the two of us, you only say my name ?
-Thank you, Jaejoong-ah, Yoochun noted. I know you have been drinking for three hours now, but alcohol doesn’t make someone go blind, now does it ? I’m just in front of you !
-You don’t count, Yoochun-ah. That’s all, Changmin teased.
-Shut up ! You little rascal ! I know you also never call any of us hyung, though you should. Plus you only use the honorifics when you need something from us !
-Yeah, that’s right, Changmin said. Alcohol makes you smart ! Thankfully, when you sober, you come back to your old self. Haha.
-You little-, Jaejoong started.
-Don’t ! Don’t hit me when you’re drunk, you will just end up spilling out your drink.
-What did you do with Yunho in the bathroom earlier ?
-Mmmh, that’s a good question, Yoochun said with a greasy smile.
-Don’t start, Jaejoong-ah. It’s disgusting.
-I’m being serious, Jaejoong said, clasping his hand.
-Wha- ? Let go of me. Let go. You’re hurting me !
-Then answer me !
-Let go !
-Serves you right.
-Just so you know, Jaejoong-ah, Changmin was in the bathroom with Junsu. I was the one with Yunho earlier.
-Why didn’t you say so before ?!
-Because I love to watch you two fight.
-I am going to pay for the drinks. Let’s go home, I am tired, Jaejoong said.
He left.
-Why did you lie to him, Yoochun-ah ?
-Huh ? About what ?
-About you and Yunho being in the bathroom.
-Because it’s true. I think. I don’t remem-
-Don’t try to fool me. I know you’re not drunk. At least not enough. Why did you lie to him ?
-I don’t know. I just felt like it.

Later, in Jaejoong’s room.

-What the hell are you doing ? Yoochun murmured.
-I’m going to move into Yunho’s room tomorrow. I… I can’t stand the fact that he has his own room and not me.
-I am not talking about that. I mean about Changmin. Have you seen the bruise on his hand ?!
-The bruise ?
-I knew it. Jaejoong-ah, you can’t go on like this. You need to stop. You’re becoming really violent.
-I need to go.
He goes to Junsu’s and Changmin’s room.
-Changmin-ah ?
-Don’t talk out loud ! Junsu is sleeping ! Changmin crissed.
-Yeah. Show me your hand, I murmured.
-Why ?
-Show it ! It’s true, it’s bruised.
-Yeah. And it’s your fault.
-I’m… I’m sorry.
-It’s okay.
-I brought some ointment.
-I already have put some on.
-What about I lend you a bracelet tomorrow ? The one I bought last Saturday ?
-Are you sure ?
Jaejoong noticed the ointment on the table next to the bed.
-Who gave you that ?
-When ?
-When we came back. He was not asleep yet.

-I knew he liked Yunho. But I couldn’t let this happen. I needed to find a way to keep him away from him. Yunho was not good for him.
-What do you mean, Yunho was not good for him ?
-He is not good for him. He is-
-Were you jealous of Yunho ?
-What ?
-Were you jealous of Yunho, Jaejoong-ah ?

-Junsu-yah ! Changmin yelled.
-Where did you put my new CD ? I want to listen to it !
-Well, I will tell you if you tell me where you have put my new shirt.
-The one that looks like Shingyouji’s ? Changmin said, with a smirk.
-Who is Shingyouji ? Yoochun asked.
-He is a character in the drama Takumi-kun series. It’s a boy’s love drama, Changmin explained, with a knowing smile.
-I just found out after I bought it. I didn’t know. I am not gay !
-What is wrong with being gay ? Yunho asked, serious.
-Nothing. I am just not, Junsu answered.
-How come Changmin watches that kind of stuff ? Yoochun asked, curious.
-I did not touch it. You know I am taller than you. I can’t wear your clothes, we are not the same size, Changmin added, with a teasing tone. Now give me my CD back.
-Changmin-ah, answer Yoochun-ah, please, Jaejoong commanded.
-I think it is because of me, Yunho said. I dared Changmin to watch a drama with someone famous, someone that is friends with him. It happens that Changmin knows the actor Ryoma Baba, and when we looked for his movies, we only found the Takumi-kun series.
-That’s… That’s ridiculous, Jaejoong muttered, before leaving the room.

Later, before a TV show started.

-Don’t you think Jaejoong hyung hits Changmin-ah really hard lately ? Junsu asked, worried.
-Don’t worry, he hits back, Yunho reassured, before leaving to meet the manager.
-Yoochun-ah, I say it is not normal, for two big guys, two friends, to fight that way for nothing. Do you think they are hiding something from us ?
-No, Junsu, I don’t approve much either, but Jaejoong-ah would never hurt Changmin-ah. He loves him.
-I know, but I think he’s really violent.
-No, I mean, he loves him, as in-
-Junsu-yah ! Come over, we need to talk to you, the manager called out.
-At least, I hope so, Yoochun whispered.
Later on.
-Changmin-ah, why did you two fight earlier ? Yoochun asked, in a casual tone.
-Oh, nothing, Jaejoong said I was not a real man, since I liked to watch boy’s love movies.
-And ?
-And I told him that with his hear he looked like a girl anyway.
-So he hit you ?
-No, he tried to kiss me ! What if someone had filmed the scene ? So I hit him, and he hit me back.
-Did you hit him hard ?
-Yes, of course. Why ?
-How come you are always the only one with bruises ?
-I… I don’t-
-Yes you know ! You don’t hit back as hard as he does. He hits you for real, doesn’t he ?
-Did you tell him to stop ?
-You know he should not. Why don’t you tell him ?
-I think it is his way to hide something. I am trying to find out what. I think something is bothering him, but I can’t say what. Yet.
-What abou-
-No, I can’t ask Yunho, he would make it a big deal, and maybe it is nothing.
-I really think-
-No. Please, don’t tell anyone.

-What do you think of the other members ? the man asked.
-What do you mean ?
-Compared to Yunho, how would you say they are ?
-How they are…
-Yoochun, for example.
-Yoochun is a crybaby.
-Can you explain ?
-He always hid somewhere to cry, but when I asked him why, he would never answer. He was just too sensitive.
-Can you give me an example of him crying without reason ?
-Like, Yunho is teaching Junsu a new step, and I’m busy with Changmin, and he watches us, and suddenly he bursts out in tears and runs to the toilets.
-What exactly were you doing with Changmin before he cracked ?
-I don’t know, probably fighting, as usual.
-Jaejoong-ah, do you know why you are here today ?
-I am not sure.
-We think you are violent. Especially with the youngest member of your former group.
-That is nonsense.
-You said you were always fighting with Changmin.
-That’s bullshit… I LOVED HIM !
-I know.
-I always cook for him. I care a lot about him. Yesterday I told him-
-Do you remember about the split ? DBSK’s split ?
-What ?!
-The members testified that the band split because of you, because you used to beat Changmin, because one day you beat him so hard he collapsed.

-Hello ?
-Manager !
-Yes, Yunho-yah ?
-Something happened… You should come home.
-Okay, I will be there in twenty minutes.
-Thank you.
-Jaejoong-ah ! Jaejoong-ah, don’t. Yoochun said.
-But he is not feeling well-
-Yeah, and it’s because of you. Yunho said, cutting. You hit him too hard.
-I-I didn’t mean to ! I just wanted to-
-Junsu-yah, Yoochun-ah, go with Jaejoong-ah in the living room. I will stay with Changmin.

-It was Yunho’s fault !
-Yunho’s fault ? the man asked.
-Yes, he wanted us to leave. He wanted Junsu, Yoochun and I to leave Changmin and him.
-Jaejoong-ah, you were the one who wanted to leave DBSK, don’t you remember ? You three wanted to leave SM entertainment and start anew in Japan.
-Jaejoong-ah, listen to me. You need to admit what you did, in order to heal.
-Yes. Yes, I was the one who wanted to leave. I was fed up with everything. But Yunho and Changmin didn’t want to. They stayed back. Together… That’s why Changmin has been… Changmin-ah ! My dear Changmin-ah has been…

-You… Why did you do this to me ? Changmin sobbed.
-I love you, Changmin-ah, I love-
-I trusted you ! I trusted you ! And you, you came and you… What will you do now ? Kill me ?
-Changmin-ah ! How can you say such a thing ?!

-Raped. Yunho raped him.
-What ? the man asked.
-The one Changmin trusted so much betrayed him. He waited for us to leave, he waited for us to be far away, and he came at night, he unbuttoned his pajamas’ shirt, and he watched his chest, his beautiful chest, before kissing it. But Changmin woke up, and he panicked, he thought he had put enough sleeping pills in his tea.
-Who is he ?
-He looked into his eyes, and all his feeling exploded, he couldn’t resist. He had been hiding them for years. Now was the moment. He would do it carefully, in order not to hurt him. He would make love to him, he would make him feel pleasure. He would show his gentle side.
-Who is he, Jaejoong-ah.
-Who raped Changmin ?
-Yunho, of course ! But I saved him ! I saved him. I came back home and I found Changmin sobbing, his pajamas ripped, and Yunho was next to him, naked. It was a cold night.
-No, Jaejoong-ah. Think about it. How can you know so much details ? How can you say you came back home when it was not your home, but theirs ?
-It was not Yunho, Jaejoong-ah.
-Then… then who was it ?
-The one Changmin trusted so much he never complained about him beating him hard. The one Changmin cared so much about he chose to let DBSK split rather than just let that member leave. The one who wanted to show his gentle side, but never could. You, Jaejoong-ah. Jaejoong-ah ? Jaejoong-ah! He passed out. Again.
-Can we come in ?
-Yoochun-ah, Junsu-yah. I’m sorry. I tried my best. As you can see, his memories are too hard for him to bear with. He can never admit it. And you know what that means.
-There has to be something to do ! Junsu yelled. He can’t die.
-It has been one year already, and it always ends like this, with him laying responsibility on Yunho, then fainting, the doctor answered.
-The law is the law, the policeman stated. He must be executed. Unless Yunho requests clemency from the judge. And as I see, he is not here. He can’t forgive Jaejoong.
-He can’t forgive anyone, especially himself, for having kept that a secret until that result, I can’t either, Yoochun confessed. We all knew. We just thought it would get better since Jaejoong was never violent with anyone else but him.
-It was his way to deny his feelings, the doctor said. What was he so afraid of ? Being gay ? Being found out ? Or being rejected ?
-Maybe a little of everything ? Yoochun said.
Tags: angst, homin, jaemin, livejournal, oneshot, pg-13, tragedy, yoomin

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